Communication Currents

Leaving the home without our mobile phones or not having constant connection to the Internet is unimaginable if not unbearable for some of us. Our friends, family, and colleagues seem to expect to be able to contact us at any time, whether across town or across the globe. We are expected to check email regularly and respond to text messages almost instantly. Of course we expect the same from them. 

Critics complain this constant connection through mobile devices disconnects us from those physically around us. Pre-teens use their mobile phones during family gatherings much to the annoyance of parents. To teachers’ dismay, children maintain friendships with non-classmates during class time. Children are not the only culprits; parents divert attention from children to turn to work they can now do at home, or when posting their own status updates, leaving children to feel jealous or ignored. However, in spite of such happenings, mobile communication technology overall strengthens our relationships with people we already know.

We tend to focus on the harm done in our face-to-face relationships, but we must also realize that for the most part, we are online with people with whom we also have face-to-face relationships. The closer we are to someone, the more likely we are to interact in many ways, including mobile communication technology. People text to friends and spouses to coordinate social activities in person or to simply touch base. Parents use mobile technology as a way to check-in with younger children and college students say mobile phones are “a must” to stay close to their parents. Grandparents are even getting into the act in ways such as reading story books with their grandchildren via videoconferencing services such as Skype.

Given our expectations for quick responses, failing to reply might lead to problems as well. For example, when our friend or child doesn’t immediately reply to our text or email, we tend to feel ignored, or in the case of parents, possibly panicked. 

These multiple means of communication don’t necessarily force us to choose between paying attention to one person or another. Rather, one challenge raised by these technologies is how to simultaneously engage in more than one interaction at a time so no one feels ignored.

New technologies often allow us to feel as if we have control over what information we share with others and can even lead to increased feelings of privacy. Because mobile or portable technologies tend to only be used by one person, they provide opportunities for communication that is not easily observable by others. This is illustrated by adolescents’ use of cell phones to hide interactions with parentally unapproved romantic partners. Hiding interactions is not limited to teenagers, though, as adults conceal their online infidelities by predominantly conducting them through email. Privacy and control can also be advantages for online daters, as they are able to control the amount of information they share about themselves as well as when they share it. This control sometimes provides feelings of safety and comfort.
 

However, we have little control over what others might do with communiqués that we initiated, as texts or emails we consider private, can be forwarded. We also have little say over what others post about us. Moreover, others may post pictures or videos of us, allowing gossip or rumors to go viral. Individuals even “Google” potential dates. Thus, our efforts at controlling information about ourselves can be quickly undermined.

Loss of privacy and control are not always the fault of others. Despite the recognition that many online forms of interaction are not particularly secure or private, we often behave as if they were. We inadvertently allow breaches. We might friend a person whom we do not know. We accidentally hit “reply all” or include a listserv where information we meant to go only to a few people goes to unintended recipients, as well. Further, we sometimes have little understanding of the privacy settings of our own social networking sites. 

Though we use our mobile technologies to stay connected, sometimes this constant accessibility can be intrusive or even abusive. We can feel overwhelmed or annoyed by the volume of messages sent to us, albeit well intended. The term “friendly spam” has been used when friends or family send us messages (e.g., forwards) they mistakenly believe will interest us. 

This constant connection creates many paradoxes. We can find ourselves feeling a lack of independence. Dating partners are sometimes annoyed when their partner frequently interrupts them when hanging out with their friends. Some dating partners have even developed rules around when not to interact. Similarly as work can follow us home in the evenings and weekends, some companies are starting to set policies limiting use of email on the weekends so employees don’t feel constantly on call.

Parents say they allow children more freedom as they know they can access them anywhere, yet also feel they are losing control over their children’s use of technology. Adolescents agree their parents do give them more freedom (e.g., later curfews) due to mobile phones, but complain that mobile phones allow parents to interrupt them too easily.  

Despite the bad press often given to mobile communication technologies, we have to ask how different things really are. Technology did not create inattentive students or distracted parents. Similarly, families have struggled with work/private life balance for decades. Rules about privacy or alone time have long been a point of contention among family members and romantic partners. Additionally, arguments between parents and children about monitoring and control are not new.  

We use mobile communication technology to initiate, develop and strengthen relationships, but also to distance and damage them. We discuss common interests, provide social support, express affection, coordinate activities, engage in small talk, play games, share humor, argue viewpoints, offer offense, annoy, anger, and ignore our friends and families regardless of the mode of communication we elect to use. To a great extent, mobile communication technologies simply offer us new vehicles by which to experience familiar communication problems.